Sex Kitty, I Luuurve You!
by Dave the Laugh is GROOVY-GRAVY
Summary: Set during ATMBISBM After Dave tells Gee she's the most beautiful girl in the world. He also says he loves her and things get really awkward between the pair.Hornmeister Lover & Earth Kid Tree Hugger's joint account & therefore joint story. G/D
1. Viking Glare

_**A/N: Hey guys! It's Earth Kid Tree Hugger (I myself can't figure out where the spaces and dots go in my penname and I can't be bothered to check) here, and Hornmeister Lover and I are doing a tandem story, where I write a chapter of a story and she writes the next and so on. We'll be posting it on our joint account (this one) and it's set during Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me? It's the part where Dave tells Gee that to him she's the most beautiful girl in the world. And it kinda follows on from that. So. Okay. Here goes:**_

From the book:

"_I don't know what it is about you, KittyKat, but for me you are the most beautiful girl in the world."_

_Then he kissed me, just a little kiss._

_I sort of reached up to kiss him back, but he stepped back then and pulled his coat collar up._

_He breathed in really deeply and then cleared his throat and said, "Hmmm, that was a bit unexpected… but anyway, dig you later."_

He was walking away, and I stood there, stunned.

Was he serious?

Or was he just joking?

I couldn't speak.

That is, until I managed to say, "Do you mean it?"

Dave turned around. "Yeah," he said. "I do."

Wow.

I'm beautiful?

Even with my big nose?

"Oh," I said.

Dave smiled. "Of course KittyKat."

"Oh," I said again.

Stupid brain isn't working properly.

It can't seem to produce anything other than 'oh.'

Brilliant, bloody brilliant.

A genius like myself can't even come out with more than 'oh.'

This sucks.

"KittyKat," Dave said, "It's okay. You don't have to suddenly say 'Oh, Dave! You are the gorgiest guy EVER, and I want to snog you within an inch of your life and be your Hornpartner.' Even though I know I'm the gorgiest guy ever. I know that you have Masimo. And I have Emma. I know it's wrong for me to say this."

Oh _merde_, we've had a few situations similar to this.

And from what I can remember, my brain didn't seem to produce much more than an 'oh' then either…

"Uhmm," I managed to say.

Not better than an 'oh'.

At least 'oh' is a real word.

I was trying vair vair hard to think of something more intelligent to say than what I have been saying, but couldn't.

Dave said, "Sex Kitty, you really do have problems voicing your feelings."

And then he snogged me again.

But this time it was a better snog.

Number six.

And a quarter.

And, in case you silly fules have forgotten, that is nip libbling.

Anyway, he was snogging me.

**10 minutes later**

Dave pulled away, and I did the first thing that my brain thought of.

I tried to snog him again.

But he wouldn't let me.

He laughed, stepped back, and said "You really are shameless, Sex Kitty. S'later."

And he pretended to ride his camel down the road.

And how do I know it was a camel?

He was yelling (although it was LATE, and people were SLEEPING. Oh well, they'll live. It was funny) "Come on, Cammie, I chose you to be my imaginary camel because Mel was too slow. Now Ride!"

But when he got to the end of the road, he pulled Cammie to a stop, and called over to me. "Night night Sex Kitty, I luuurve you!"

Omygod!

He said he LOVES me?!

**Tomorrow**

**School**

**Assembly**

Slim is rambling on and on as usual.

I, of course, am not listening.

I mean, why would I?

Why should I care about school trips, or needing to do well, giving the school a bad reputation, while I have things that have to be thought about and decisions to be decided?

But, oh my God.

Dave says he luuurves me.

He's said that a few times.

He must've been joking, because he seems to really like Emma… I mean, they go to art galleries and everything with her parents.

He wouldn't do that for just _anyone_.

She must be special to him.

I mean, she IS unbelievably nice.

Why is she so nice?

It's so annoying.

**Break**

**Sitting in the fives court with the Ace Gang**

"Gee," Mabs said, "why are you so spaced out and not torturing teachers or Wet Lindsay? What's wrong? Are you an alien who's stolen Gee?"

"Yeah," Rosie said, tipping her whole bag of cheesy Wotsits.

She then said (still chewing her mouthful of Wotsits – which was disgusting to watch as the WHOLE packet was in her mouth, and bits were spraying everywhere), "What's up, Gee?"

Damn.

I'm not telling them ANYTHING.

**10 minutes later**

I've told them everything.

They're all as shocked as a lot of shocked agogs on shocked agog tablets.

Finally Ellen managed to splutter out, "But… he's with Emma… isn't he…? or something… and you're with Masimo. Aren't you…?"

"Yes, Ellen, we've established that he's with Emma and I'm with the Italian Stallion. The gorgey, _Italian _Italian Stallion. He's _Italian," _I said.

Jas said, "Yes, he is Italian. And you have a red bottom."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Don't."

"Do.

"Don't, and that's final. Just because you're practically married! And I didn't kiss Dave – he kissed me!"

"Oh, a likely story," Jas said.

"Yeah!" I said. "It is."

**After school**

Oh _merde_.

The Barmy Army is at the school gates.

_Merde!_

Why, oh why, _is that_?

I'll have to face Dave.

After he told me he lurved me.

That is so not on.

**Meeting the Barmy Army at the school gates**

All the girls are snuggling up to their so-called boyfriends.

Fabulous.

I'm not speaking to Dave – too weird, so I'll have to be a goosegog and link arms with one of the gang and their boyfriend.

But who?

Not Rosie and Sven, they're too violent.

Not Jools and Rollo – she'll kill me.

I think it may have to be Jassy and Tommy.

Or Po and Hunky, as they're also known as.

**Barging in between Po and Hunky**

I linked up with them, and said brightly, "So, how's it going?"

They both gave me strange looks.

Well, Jas' look is ALWAYS strange.

Tom said, "Yeah, I'm going good thanks Gee… how are you going?"

Before I could reply, Jas said, "Georgia, just because you have shameless red bottomosity, _don't intrude on Tom's and my private time_."

What?

"What private time? You're in the middle of the street! What's so private about that? And I don't have red bottomosity!"

Jas kicked me, and Tom had to take her off to calm her down.

That girl really has an anger issue.

Everyone else had gone off by then except for Rosie, Sven and Dave, who was talking to Sven in Svenish, in between snogging Rosie.

I mean that Sven was snogging Rosie, not Dave.

I risked Sven's violent tendencies and squeezed in between the Viking couple.

Rosie glared at me.

And not just any glare.

A Viking glare.

Which is deadlier than most.

Rosie said, "Georgia, just because you feel awkward around Dave does NOT mean that you can barge between a Viking couple. A voley couple is allowed, but Viking, no. Now go and talk to Dave. He's interrupting mine and Sven's snogging anyway."

And she pushed me, and I fell into Dave.

_**A/N: Haha, yes I'm evil. Hornmeister Lover will be doing the next chapter, so I don't even know what's going to happen.**_

_**So yeah, throw us a review, and we'll be elated. We may even mention you in future chapters… now isn't that just a reason in itself to review? We like long reviews best, but even a smiley face or a 'great' or whatever is awesome. So yeah… tell us what you think, even if it's bad – we can take criticism. **_

_**X)**_

_**So, remember, HORNS OUT!**_


	2. Stupid Brain

_**A/N: Bonsoir tis Hornmeister Lover here! Well as you know me and Earth Kid Tree Hugger are doing this as a tandem so here's my chapter xD It may not be vair good as I am having a bit of writers block. Also will probs be shorter than the last chapter but here we go:**_

**1 second later**

Merde!

I like fell on Dave, my face vair close to his. He grabbed my waist to stop me falling properly.

I went vair red, so I stepped away from him and looked at Ro-Ro with a glare.

Stupid Viking Queen. Vikings are vair selfishosity filled. At least the ones I know are.

Not being able to barge into a Viking couple? That's gigantibus amount of wubish.

I hope some Viking loon cuts Ro-Ro's beard off at her wedding.

That would be tres amusante.

Although she would probably have a spare beard with her.

Merde with a hint of poo-osity.

Maybe a reindeer will run her over?

Hmm it's possible.

But all Sven would have to do to protect her is stand in front of her, and the reindeer would go flying.

Merde. There is like nothing I can do.

Although stealing her beards sounds good.

**5 minutes later**

"All this silence fandango is too much for me. Me and Sven are off to do some Viking snogging. Pip pip mon petite pallies!" Ro-Ro said in her Viking Loon way.

Then Sven picked her up and put her on his back and yodelled off.

Good grief.

Then Jazzy being the vair guht pallie she is, fringed off with Tom leaving me with Dave.

All aloney on my owney with him so she could go look at cuckoo holes or something.

I have such a selfish best pallie.

Leaving me in my time of need? I would never do that to her.

You know unless a certain Lurvee God came along.

Or a laugh.

What? No. Why is Dave in my head?

**1 second later**

Merde.

Baby J, why do you do this to me?

**1 minute later**

What the horns am I supposed to say to him?

He is just looking at me like a looking thing looking at me. It's tres freaky.

I vair hate these staring fandangos.

Should I take the camel by the horns and say something?

**1 second later**

Dave saved me from having to say something by saying

"What's up your pants Kittykat?"

Boys are still a mystery.

"What's up yours?"

"NO what's up YOURS?"

"NO YOURS!"

"NO YOURS!"

I stopped in case it turned into a snog. See Jassy Spazzy, I am trying to avoid having a red bottom so ha! That means I don't have one. I love being right.

Silly Jassy Spazzy, just because I am attracted to the General Horn doesn't mean I have a red bottom.

She has her head buried in badger holes so she doesn't get tempted by the way of the Horn!

Who would want to be a Vole Couple anyway?

Other than Jas and Tom, but they are just nature loons so they would want to be.

See? I am vair cleverosity filled.

**1 minute later**

What is it with us and the staring fandango?

"What is it with us and the staring fandango Dave?"

Ah merde! Brain, you weren't supposed to voice that.

"Like I said before Kittykat, you have problems voicing your feelings."

Could he get me even more confuzzled?

"And what has that got to do with it?"

"Everything Kittykat. You can't speak, so there is no point me talking"

"That's not the reason I don't speak and we have a staring fandango you silly loon."

"Then what is the reason you don't talk?"

Merde! What do I say? I can't tell him he gives me stupid brain and jelloid knickers!

**10 seconds later**

"Ah. My Dave-tastic and super clever brain has given me the answer. You get stupid brain!"

Does he read my mind? Get out Dave you nosey loon!

"How do you know about that?"

"Jas told Tom, Tom told me"

"Radio Jas strikes again"

"Radio Jas?"

"Yeah, every time I tell Jas something she tells everyone. So she like sends it out on airlines as if she's on a radio"

"You are loon Kittykat, a loon that gets stupid brain from this fabby gorgey Biscuit"

"Do not!"

"Do!"

"Do not!"

"Do"

"Do not!"

"Do not!"

"Do!"

"Ha! Told you do!"

Ho hum pigs bum! That pair of dirty pants tricked me!

Dave was vair smug. I did the first thing my brain thought of.

I walked away.

**1 minute later**

Ho hum pigs bum. Dave is following me.

So I started walking faster.

So he did.

Eventually it got into one of those comedy chases. It was actually vair amusante. We must off looked like vair loons running around Dave shouting:

"Giddy up Cammie! Ride like the wind and use the Pants to lasso Kittykat!"

He's nearly on Libbs level of loonosity.

**5 minutes later**

Poo-osity. Dave caught me from behind and tackled me to the ground.

Ouch's a plenty I'l tell you that.

He sat on my nungas, so they were vair squashed and could hardly breathe.

"Dave...please get off you loon"

"Not until you admit I give you stupid brain"

"No!"

"Then we will be here a long time."

**1 minute later**

Baby J, I think I am going to die.

Ho hum pigs bum, I think I am going to have to say it.

"Dave...you give me stupid brain."

He grinned down at me. Oooh he's a got a gorgey grin. Stop brain! I am with Masimo.

"Thanks for admitting it Kittykat" he got off me, winked and said,

"S'laters Kittykat!" and walked of riding his camel.

_**A/N Hmm I have mixed feelings on this. Leave a review please! They make us vair happy. Long reviews are extra fabby :D Next chapter is Earth Kid Tree Hugger's so I don't know what it will be about. **_

_**Pip Pip! :D**_


	3. What Have You Done To My Girlfriend?

_**A/N: Earth Kid Tree Hugger here. Hornmeister Lover, how could you do this to me? Your chapter was so fabby, and now I don't know what to write about!! Okay, I'll have to think up something random. I hope an idea comes to me. They usually do. :P**_

_Last time: Hornmeister Lover's chapter_

_He grinned down at me. Oooh he's a got a gorgey grin. Stop brain! I am with Masimo._

"_Thanks for admitting it Kittykat" he got off me, winked and said,_

"_S'laters Kittykat!" and walked of riding his camel._

Now: Earth Kid Tree Hugger's chapter

Merde.

Why does Dave ALWAYS leave me feeling so freaking annoyed, yet so unusually happy.

Well, not always, as when I've seen him with Emma he's not left me feeling annoyed and happy.

It's left me feeling pissed off and very resentful towards Emma.

Who is so totally nice she deserves it.

**1 minute later**

Oh, speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear.

Who said that anyway?

I think it was some famous person in the past, but I really have no clue.

Anyway, back to the point: Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

Emma was walking down my road.

Oh well isn't that the merdest situation in the history of merde situations?

I think it is.

Anyway, Emma was walking down my road.

Yes, walking.

Not riding a camel like Dave would be, or a horse like mine (his name's Dark Star).

She was walking.

How utterly normal and Jas-ish.

She came up to me and said, "Oh hi Gee! I was wondering if you knew where Dave was. I went to Foxwood to pick him up from school, but he wasn't there. So I was walking home when I bumped into Jas and Tom. I asked them if they knew where Dave was, and Jas just huffed and said something about red bottoms – don't ask me, I really don't know what she was talking about – and Tom said he'd gone home with you. So I thought I might find him here, but I can't seem to see him."

How utterly sad, and tres pathetico.

"Yeah, Emma, sorry, you've missed him. He rode Cammie off about two minutes ago actually."

"Who's Cammie?"

Hasn't Dave told her about Cammie?

"His camel. He rides her everywhere. Didn't you know?"

"Oh, his pretend camel. He's a bit childish like that, isn't he? Oh well, he's still my Davykins."

Davykins?

Oh my God.

That IS sad.

How utterly pathetic.

Plus, Cammie is real.

I can see her, so she is so obviously real.

Just like Dark Star is.

"Emma… Cammie's a real camel. I have a horse. His name's Dark Star. Dave and I ride together all the time."

Well, that's not strictly true, I've never ridden Dark Star while Dave's been riding Cammie, but he's seen me riding Dark Star and I've seen him riding Cammie, but we've not ridden together (oo-er), strictly.

But Emma doesn't need to know that.

At the moment, she's looking at me like I'm bonkers.

Which I am, but that's still a vair vair rude thing to do.

"Well… okay… so do you know where he went?"

Why would I?

Dave never tells me these things.

Which sucks, because he always knows what I'm doing.

That sounds a bit stalkerish actually.

In fact, I read in _Girlfriend _magazine an article about teen stalkers.

I wonder if he's one of them.

**10 seconds later**

No, he isn't, because he only knows because I've told him and a couple of times he heard it on Radio Jas.

"Georgia… are you okay?"

Oops.

I still haven't answered Emma's question.

"Um, no. I don't know. Maybe he went home. I really have no idea. Sorry."

Emma looked a bit disappointed.

Oh well, boo hoo.

You saw Dave the other day, girl, so get over it.

I went a month without seeing Masimo, so stop whining.

But I found myself saying "Why don't you go and visit him?"

She shook her head tearfully. "I don't know where he lives. He won't tell me."

He won't tell her?

Aw, poor Emma.

Wait – poor _Emma?_

I dislike her, Brain, remember?

She's too nice.

But so am I, apparently, because I invited her in to spend the rest of the evening with me.

Oh, great.

**Inside**

**With Emma**

I saw Emma taking in my house.

It wasn't at its best, I'll tell you that.

Libby's toys were strewn across the floor, and Libby was sitting in the living room snoggling Mr. Potato.

That wouldn't be too bad.

But Mutti, Vati and Uncle Eddie were having a karaoke evening together.

Dreadful.

And to make it worse, it seems like they were playing by the rules that they made up that if you hit a wrong note you have to take one item of clothing off.

And none of them can actually sing, so Mutti is in her knickers and bra, Vati is in his y-fronts, and Uncle Eddie is wearing NOTHING.

Oh yeah, you heard right.

Uncle Eddie was in the complete NUDDY-PANTS.

Emma was just looking completely and utterly shocked.

I don't know why she's with Dave.

I know I've said it before, but I'm saying it again.

If it were Dave here, he'd probably join in the karaoke.

Which, actually is disturbing as it means he's as bonkers as my family, but I know that Dave can sing (heard it from Jas who heard it from Tom who has seen Dave sing), so he wouldn't be stripping.

God save us if he did.

**30 seconds later**

Actually, it wouldn't be too bad if he did…

He _has _become pretty well built in the last few months…

Wait – Brain, stop!

Here I am _again_, thinking about Dave in a non-matey way.

That's baaaad.

Really bad.

I pulled Emma away and upstairs to my room to get away from the looniness downstairs, which turned out to be mistake number two.

Number one was inviting her in in the first place.

It was mistake number two because when we got into my room, we found that Libby had made mice with the tampons in my room and hammocks with my bras.

Plus, there was a suspicious-looking brown spot that didn't look like chocolate.

Merde.

**Later**

**After Emma ran screaming out of the house**

Phone's ringing.

**10 seconds later**

No one's answering the damn thing.

Probably because they can't hear it cos of their game.

Wonderful.

Well, looks like I'll have to answer it.

"Bonsoir!"

"KittyKat. What in the name of PANTS have you done to my girlfriend? She's completely traumatised and when I asked what the matter was, she said something about you. But she was hyperventilating so much on the phone I couldn't fully understand."

_**A/N: Well there you go – I did think of something to write about. YAY!**_

_**So will you all review? Please? **_

_**Oh oh oh, I can't wait to read the next chapter, which will be written by Hornmeister Lover – it'll be sehr groovy. And you know, Dave's visiting me and he said that if you review he'll send a virtual snog with the review-reply that you'll get. So go and press that little green button. **_


	4. Hold Your Pants KittyKat!

**_A/N Earth Kid Tree Hugger, your chapter was so marvy, I don't have a clue how I'm going to start mine especially with your vair guht ending. Ah well I'm sure something will come to me._**

_Flashback from Earth Kid Tree Huggers Chapter_

_Well, looks like I'll have to answer it._

"_Bonsoir!"_

"_KittyKat. What in the name of PANTS have you done to my girlfriend? She's completely traumatised and when I asked what the matter was, she said something about you. But she was hyperventilating so much on the phone I couldn't fully understand."_

My Chapter:

_**1 minute later**_

Hahahahahaha!

Oh marvy. Now I'm having a laughing spaz.

Uncontrollable laughing spaz.

Ouchy ouch my sides are starting to hurt.

I can't believe Emma is traumatised.

What a stuffy owl.

She should have known how bad it would be when she heard the singing.

That was enough to make anyone run screaming.

If that didn't work, Uncle Eddie in the nuddy pants should.

I almost ran out when I saw that.

Good grief, it's vair tragic that I am used to that sort of thing.

_**2 minutes later**_

Merde.

I'd forgotten I was on the phone with Dave until he shouted down the phone:

"Kittykat! Stop laughing you loon!"

Stop laughing lips!

I can't help it.

I can just picture Emma hyperventilating.

Hahahaha!

_**5 minutes later**_

I have finally stopped laughing. But now my sides and tummy hurt like billio.

Breathe Gee, breathe.

Good, now think of something normal to say.

And say it.

"Sorry Hornmeister but that was too vair funny."

"Yeah sure, but you're not the one with a hyperventilating girlfriend."

"Are you saying I am on the turn Dave?"

"Time waits for no pants Kittykat, this biscuit has places to go, old people to terrorise and all that so if you could just tell me what you did."

"She wanted to come in my house, so I let her"

"And?"

"Well she might have seen my elderly loons doing strip karaoke and Uncle Eddie in his nuddies and Libbs' decorating in my room i.e. knickers hammocks and tampon mouses."

"Hahahahahahaha! She was traumatised by that? I can't believe I missed it."

"Erlack! Dave are you on the turn? You want to see my Vati, Mutti and Uncle Eddie in their nuddies?"

"No Dave the Biscuit never turns you silly Kittykat. It would be a laugh Gee."

"A tragic laugh."

"Gee! I thought you understood the way of the laugh."

"I do. But not when it's my elderly loons."

"Ah. But elderly loons are the easiest to laugh at."

"Elderly Loons are Elderly Loons mon petite nincompoop."

"Wherefore art thou Elderly Loons?"

He is on a loon level of his own.

"What in the name of Dark Star are you on about?"

"Oh sorry Kittykat, I was calling for my Elderly Loon; I'm hungry."

"Ah, do your Elderly Loons make you food?"

"Occasionally."

"You lucky pants! The most my mutti does is jammy dodgers."

"Tough life, you have Kittykat."

"I know."

"Are your elderly loons still doing strip karaoke?"

"Loudly and shamelessly."

"Marvy. Hold your pants Kittykat, I'm coming around."

"What? NO!" but he had already hung up.

Merde.

What the hell?

Why does Dave want to come round?

Is he going to play strip karaoke with my loons?

He would be worth seeing, but seeing Mutti, vati or Uncle Eddie would be scary and erlack!

**_5 minutes later_**

Fabby.

Libbs has just done a poo in the corridor.

With Angus.

And Cross Eyed Gordy.

This is going to be long and painful.

I could hear Vati and Mutti singing "I Got You Babe."

Or as Libbs affectionately calls it: "I got your bottie"

Gott in himmel, my ears hurt from vati and mutti's torture cries.

It's disgusting.

Luckily I can't see them.

Or I would probably throw up.

Erlack a pongoes!

The smell of Libbs' poo was bad enough.

Mixed with the smell of sick, it would make me faint.

Why did I end up with such a weird family?

I am like so norma normal.

Especially compared to them.

I'm going upstairs, if Mutti, Vati or Uncle Eddie stepped in Libbs poo's it would be their karma for torturing me.

**_5 minutes later_**

Crap! The door bells just rung.

Before I could get to it Mutti answered it.

"Bonjour, Gee's mutti. Wherefore art thou is my Kittykat?"

"Oh Dave, you are so funny."

Oh good grief. Now she is flirting with Dave.

I have got to stop this.

It's vair sickening to hear.

I am going to need so much therapy.

**_1 minute later_**

"Ah! I just trod in Libbys poo! Georgia, get down here!"

_**A/N Not much happened but I know Earth Kid Tree Hugger will do the next chapter fabby! Reviews make us vair happy, even a simple smiley face is good. I hope you liked this :D Remember we can take criticism too.**_


	5. I Did Say It Was Karma

_**A/N: OMG, I lurve writing this story. And I especially lurve that I get to write about Strip Karaoke with Dave. Haha, I'm so blessed. :P**_

_**Lucky me.**_

_**X)**_

The end of Hornmeister Lover's chapter:

_I am going to need so much therapy._

_**1 minute later**_

_"Ah! I just trod in Libby's poo! Georgia, get down here!"_

My Chapter:

Oops.

Oh well, I did say it was Karma.

Thankyou Buddha, or whoever it is who initiates Karma.

Oh well, I'd better go down, or Mutti will have a cow.

Which, actually would not be a pretty sight.

Plus I don't want a cow as a sibling, that would just suck.

But at least we'd never run out of milk.

Unless it was a boy.

Then it'd just be a nuisance.

On the bright side, though, Libby would love it.

**10 seconds later**

Oh crap, me contemplating on having a cow as a sibling has probably made Mutti actually have a cow.

**At the bottom of the stairs**

Oh God.

It is a sight for sore eyes.

Mutti, deciding to be creative, has taken the straps off her strapless bra (which I guess is a good thing otherwise Dave would have been exposed to her nungas. But I remember he told me he fancied my mum, so he wouldn't have minded. Probably.), she has a thong (!) on, and all over her foot is Libby's poo.

Hahahaha!

So funny!

I'm trying not to laugh though, because if I do, she'll send Dave home.

Oh who am I kidding, I can laugh my head off; she won't send Dave home, because she fancies the PANTS off him.

Literally.

So she'll have fun when he joins in with Strip Karaoke.

That is, if Dave's a bad singer.

Which, according to Jas, he isn't.

But I don't believe her.

I betcha that I'll have the pleasure – erm, discomfort – of seeing Dave in the nuddy-pants.

**10 seconds later**

**Laughing like a loon**

"Georgia Nicolson! You should not laugh at my discomfort!"

"Well it's your own fault for playing Strip Karaoke and then answering the door in the near- nuddy pants."

She glared at me and looked pointedly at her foot.

Ohhh, she means stepping in Libby's poo.

I shrugged. "Not my fault. I didn't know it was there."

Exactly, it's not my fault; it's Buddha who organises Karma.

Or is it Vishnu?

I don't know, all I know is it's one of those two.

Mutti went "Arrrghhhhh!" and hopped up the stairs to the bathroom.

I think she hopped cos she didn't want to get poo on the stairs, but to be honest I don't know why she bothered; Libby is sure to poo on it again fairly soon.

**10 seconds later**

I've glanced over at Dave.

He looks like he needs to go to the toilet really bad.

He doesn't; he's trying not to laugh.

"Dave," I said, "It's okay. You can laugh."

**15 seconds later**

Dave and I are having the world's biggest laughing spaz EVER.

**1 minute later**

Which has turned into snogging.

Why does this feel slightly déjà vu-ish?

**30 seconds later**

Dave pulled away, said "Great snogging KittyKat, now where is this groovy-sounding Strip Karaoke on?" and went into the lounge room.

**In the lounge room**

**Aka the stage for Strip Karaoke**

Oh God, it's worse than I thought.

Uncle Eddie and Vati are both in the nuddy-pants and are dancing wildly, trouser snakes flying (I was unfortunate enough to trust that they'd have their undercrakers on and didn't purposely look at the ceiling like I am now) and singing to ACDC.

Do I have any hope in keeping my normality?

You know, considering the gene pool I have.

And really, it's quite disturbing, because Dave is looking fascinated by this.

Is he on the turn?

I hope not, because then he won't snog me anymore.

In a matey way, of course.

**1 minute later**

The song (Highway To Hell) has finished, and Uncle Eddie and Vati have stopped singing, and have noticed Dave and I.

"Oh hello, Gee," Vati said. "Who's this? New boyfriend?"

Ooh, awkward.

"Um, no Vati. This is Dave, he's a friend of mine."

Uncle Eddie scratched his head, and a bit of dandruff fell off his head.

Ew.

"So is this your new boyfriend, Gee?" Uncle Eddie said.

Does he not listen?

"No, not her boyfriend," Dave said. "More like accidental snoggees and awesome mates."

Uncle Eddie nodded wisely (!) and said, "Ah, they're the best, aren't they. I remember when I was your age – I even went to your school – I had a really good friend who had almost everything in common with me, but she was always after the flash guys and just snogged accidently. Although I was extremely popular, she still didn't want to be official. I don't regret it though. Actually, I think I still know her. She's a regular at the Strip Club where I work."

Dave looked horrified.

Dave POV

Oh my God!

I hope I don't turn into Uncle Eddie!

His old situation sounds like mine and Gee's.

Oh PANTS help me.

I must make her mine.

Officially.

Georgia's POV

Well, wasn't that a nice little story.

Not.

So unbelievably BORING, and to be honest, I DON'T CARE about the olden days when Uncle Eddie was at school and he was too sad to get that girl he wanted.

**30 seconds later**

Dave said, "Can I have a go? What are the rules?"

Vati and Uncle Eddie looked thrilled and explained the rules to him.

Dave is looking more and more excited as this goes on.

Oh good grief.

I hope for his sake that he can sing.

I still have a suspicion that Uncle Eddie and Vati are gay, so I don't really want them to ogle Dave.

**10 seconds later**

Dave's chosen You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift.

I hope he can sing country.

**15 seconds later**

Turns out he can.

And he can sing well.

Unfortunately.

What?

I didn't just say that.

I said _fortunately._

**5 seconds later**

Dave is really playing this up, dancing around and everything.

But why, as much as he's moving around, why have his eyes not left mine?

Is he trying to tell me something?

**2 seconds later**

Nope, I'm sure that's not it.

It's quite funny.

Dave's looking at me, and Uncle Eddie's looking at Dave.

And I mean really looking.

Ha!

I knew it!

Uncle Eddie _is _gay!

He's perving on Dave!

I must tell him.

I mouthed to Dave "Look" and nodded to Uncle Eddie.

Dave twisted his head to look at Eddie staring at him, and it threw him off for a second, and he hit a wrong note.

Vati yelled "Dave! Take off one piece of clothing! While you're still singing."

I wonder what he'll take off?

Hmm…

**5 seconds later**

He's taken his shirt off.

And oh my GOD!

I cannot stop staring.

Which is bad, as I have the Luuurve God, but ah well, screw him for the time being, as OH MY GOD.

Dave is _sehr _groovy-gravy looking.

**3 seconds later**

Fabulous.

Dave knows I'm eyeing him up, because he's just winked at me.

But the sad thing is that I think Mutti thought he was winking at her, because while he was mid-wink, she came through the door.

And now she's dancing close to Dave.

And we mustn't forget that she's in a bra and a thong.

**30 seconds later**

Dave's song's finished.

He came over to me and said "Now how was that for singing, KittyKat?"

I said, "Well you ended up having to take your shirt off."

I'm not gonna admit he was good.

It would inflate his already huge ego.

He put his arm over my shoulder and said, "You loved it, Kitty. You know you did. You couldn't take your eyes off me."

I was about to say something vair witty back, when Uncle Eddie came over.

Oh, he's going to ask Dave out, isn't he?

Oh Buddha help me!

"Dave watch out, I think Uncle Eddie is going to ask you out. He couldn't stop looking at you while you were singing."

"Neither could you, Sex Kitty."

I was going to deny this, but then Uncle Eddie said to Dave, "Dave, what's your last name? I thought you looked familiar, and then I remembered that my old accidental snoggee had a son called Dave. And you look like her."

"Um, it's Laugh."

His last name's actually Laugh?

I didn't know that.

I bet he's joking.

Uncle Eddie was getting excited.

"Is it actually Laugh? Because if it is, then it's her. Your mum's name is Alice, right?"

Dave looked quite freaked out. "Uh, yeah."

I admit, I feel vair freaked right now, too.

Who knew that Dave's mutti was Uncle Eddie's accidental snoggee?

Vati butted in. "Invite your parents over. Did you know that your father is my best friend? Yeah, we play football together on Saturdays."

Oh my God.

This is sehr freaky.

And sad, too, because it means Dave's vati is one of the so-called Lads that visit us sometimes.

**10 minutes later**

Well Vati and Uncle Eddie rang up Dave's elderly loons so they should be here in a minute to play Strip Karaoke.

Wonderful.

And you know, it's so early, it's only two AM.

**5 minutes later**

They're here.

And they're almost exact clones of my mutti and vati.

I.e., Dave's mutti has huge nungas that could knock someone out, and Dave's vati has a badger on the end of his chin.

This is sehr freaky-deaky.

**10 minutes later**

Well, let's just say that Dave's elderly loons are also in the nuddy pants, because apparently Dave didn't inherit his good voice from either of them.

I'm sitting in the corner of the room all by own.

Because someone who shall remain nameless *cough*Dave*cough* is dancing around with all of the elderly loons.

He is thoroughly enjoying himself.

I worry about him sometimes.

At least he still has his clothes on.

Apart from his shirt.

**10 minutes later**

God I can't take any more of this.

It's turned into an almost orgy.

Vati is snogging Dave's mutti and Mutti is snogging Dave's vati.

Yes – they're snogging people they're not married to.

And Uncle Eddie looks like he's trying to snog Dave.

Which is probably why Dave came to me and said "Let's go, Gee."

**In my room**

Dave is having a laughing spaz at the sight of my room.

**10 minutes later**

And he's only just stopped.

**5 seconds later**

Dave's just sat down on my bed.

Hey!

It's _my _bed, yet he just goes and sits on it like he's the king.

Ah well, I'm too tired to argue.

**Sitting next to Dave**

We've both got our backs to the wall that the bed is next to.

It's actually vair relaxing.

**Half an hour later**

Oh my giddy God's pyjamas!

How did my head get on Dave's chest?

Which is still bare, if you were wondering.

I must've fallen asleep.

But I don't think Dave has, because he's stroking my hair.

Aaww!

I think I love him.

In a matey way, of course.

**1 minute later**

I've woken up properly because all this hair stroking is giving me goosebumps.

I don't know why, exactly.

Maybe it's not the hair stroking, maybe it's cold.

**30 seconds later**

I'm just looking at Dave.

And he's looking at me.

Oookaayyyy...

_**A/N: Phew! What a freakishly long chapter! I'm exhausted! Well I can't wait for Hornmeister Lover's chapter.**_

_**Send us a review!**_

_**Horns out!**_


	6. Snogs Galore

_**A/N Earth Kid Tree Hugger, your chapter was so good! I'm hoping something will just come to me, because at the moment I have no idea. May the pants be with me!**_

_Flashback from Earth Kid Tree Huggers Chapter_

**1 minute later**

I've woken up properly because all this hair stroking is giving me goosebumps.

I don't know why, exactly.

Maybe it's not the hair stroking, maybe it's cold.

**30 seconds later**

I'm just looking at Dave.

And he's looking at me.

Oookaayyyy...

_My Chapter:_

_**1 minute later**_

Still looking…

_**1 minute later**_

Still looking…

God this is vair boring.

_**1 minute later**_

I hate silence fandangos.

They are so vair freaky deaky.

And did I mention vair boring?

If staring fandangos were money, I would have gazillions of squids by now.

It would make them worth it.

I think my matey type mates do it to annoy me.

How vair selfish is that?

Vair selfish if you didn't know.

_**10 minutes later**_

"What are you thinking about Kittykat?"

"How vair boring these staring fandangos are."

"Before that."

"Ermm…Well… You know the usual."

"Stop being Ellen. What was you really thinking about?"

"How nice hair stroking is."

"Ah the Biscuit has fabby magic hands! You just love it when I touch you don't you?"

"Oo-er!"

"Stop oo-ering me, you cheeky minx."

"No, what are you the king? This is moi's bed, so moi's rules."

"Yes I am, the King of Pants!"

"Yes but I am the queen of Knickers so I don't have to listen."

"Ah but you do, a camel must always listen to her master."

What the pantibus is he on about?

"What are you on about?"

"If you don't get it, then it's your own fault for not having as much cleverosity as me."

"You are a complete loon Dave."

"Isn't it fabby?"

"Vair."

He didn't reply and started stroking my hair again.

Fabby!

_**1 hour later**_

Hmm who is snogging me while I'm asleep?

Oh yeah, Dave's here.

Yummy scumboes!

He really is a tip top snogger.

His 6 and a quarter is vair marvy.

_**10 minutes later**_

"Isn't that the purrfect way to wake up Kittykat."

"Yep indeedy, Mr Laugh. I can't believe your last name is actually Laugh."

"Its vair guht last name"

"I never really thought of you having another last name anyway."

"Because my nickname suits me so well, its vair fitting for a fabby laugh like me."

"Bigheaded much Dave?"

"If I was, it's just more of me to love."

"Who says I love you?"

"Do you?"

_**1 second later**_

Merde!

What do I say?

Of course I don't love him?

Do I ?

Of course not, I have Masimo.

Although Dave is vair groovy gravy.

And a laugh

And gorgey.

And has a camel.

And is gorgey.

No stop thinking that brain.

Apparantly the first sign of madness is talking to yourself.

Huh. Who made that up?

Billy Shakespeare?

Mother Nature?

Well whoever it was does not know madness.

I talk to myself all the time, and any fule can tell I'm not mad.

Have slight loon tendancies from my unfortunate gene pool.

Like dressing up as a stuffed olive.

Or dancing to Three Little Boys

Or spying/stalking on Lurve/Sex gods.

Or running around in the nuddie pants.

Or falling in a newt pond.

But none of that makes me mad.

Just vair amusante and brimming with creativosity.

That people just don't understand.

_**1 second later**_

I did the only thing I thought would distract him.

I snogged him.

Yummy!

We quickly went up to 6 and a quarter.

Yay! Snogs galore!

Then I felt Dave's hand move up my top.

Ohmygiddygodspyjamas!

Number 8!

_**1 second later**_

Just as Dave's hand was nearly on my nunga's my bedroom door burst open.

Dave's mutti and vati were standing there.

Still in the nuddies.

His mutti twirling his vati's badger on his chin.

Enough said.

Then they noticied mine and Dave's position.

I.e. snogging with Dave's hand in my top.

"David! I thought you had a girlfriend. Oh the shame, my son is a cheater."

David? Hahahahhahahaha!

Also ha, she can talk.

She's a cheating mutti.

Who cheated in front of her husband.

Who was cheating on her at the same time.

Anyways you get what I mean.

And if you don't then...you don't.

**_1 second later_**

"You can hardly talk Mutti, you snogged Gee's vati and you're married."

"That was different"

"How?"

"Erm.. Do I as I say, not as I do."

"You didn't say anything that I was supposed to do."

"Don't be cheeky."

"I am not a cheeky minx, I like the truth."

"Stop it Dave."

"I'l stop when your nunga-nungas stop swinging."

She looked vair angry.

And scary.

She started coming towards us.

So Dave being the vair clever person he is shouted:

"Run Kittykat!" and dragged me out of the room, knocking his mutti and vati over in the process."

We raced all the way down the stairs, were we got ambushed by more parental loons.

"Georgia, were are you going?"

"Somewhere where children don't get this sort of torture."

Being the vair clever person I am I somehow got me and Dave out of the door.

Without treading on Libbs' poo.

Vair genius if you ask me.

"Georgia Nicolson, don't be so cheeky! Get back here!" Mutti called.

Me cheeky? Ha no.

Get back here?

No.

How does she feel getting ignored?

Like she does to me a lot.

"Where should we go Dave? Its 2am."

"Park? We can frolic about riding our camels or dancing like groovers"

"Fabby."

_**Park.**_

Why is the park Elvis staring at us?

Erlack! I hope he is not perving on me.

I have had enough tragic things happen to me.

My future therapy is getting more expensive everyday.

Good grief.

Even going to the park is a tragic experience.

Why Baby J? Why?

_**1 minute later**_

Oh.

I just realised why he is staring.

Dave is still shirtless.

_**1 second later**_

Erlack!

That means Park Elvis is on the turn.

Is everyone on the turn these days?

"Dave, you are still shirtless."

He stopped riding Cammie and grinned at me.

"So? You jealous of some lucky girl, checking me out?"

"No, the Park Elvis is checking you out."

"So you are jealous?"

"No, I am tres freaked out by Park Elvis perving you up."

"Imagine being the one being checked out you silly Sex Kitty."

"True. Hahaha, you made someone turn."

"Its not my fault that I am so fabby and gorgey, I can't help if boys and girls like me."

"Whatever, I still think I am right."

"You would."

"Sh Mr Laugh. Where are we going to go? We can't go back to mine, because the loons are still in the nuddies."

"We'll go to mine. "

"Ermm…well…"

"Calm down Kittykat, I'm not going to do anything to you."

"Fine."

_**Outside Dave's**_

When we got to outside Dave's house, he randomly snogged me.

Again.

_**10 minute later**_

Yummy scrumboes!

Again.

"Dave?"

_**A/N Phew. No it's not as much as the last chapter by Earth Kid Tree Hugger but it took ages :| But oh well I love writing for this story :)**_

_**Leave a review!**_

_**Pip pip! :D**_


	7. Dave's Bush

_**A/N: Ohmygiddygod'spyjamas! I don't know what to write! Ah well.**_

_Last Time (Hornmeister Lover's chapter)_

_**Outside Dave's**_

_When we got to outside Dave's house, he randomly snogged me._

_Again._

_**10 minute later**_

_Yummy scrumboes!_

_Again._

"_Dave?"_

Now (Earth Kid Tree Hugger - aka my - chapter)

Dave and me stopped snogging and looked around and didn't see anyone.

Hm, that's funny, I could have sworn that someone said Dave's name.

"Gee?!"

Okay, this is vair freaky.

Now someone's said _my _name.

We looked around again, but didn't see anyone.

Maybe if we're vair quiet we'll see where the sound's coming from.

**10 seconds later**

Aha!

I just heard some rustling!

It's coming from a bush.

And then I heard a voice say "Tom, look! I found it!"

Jas and Tom!

What the hell are they doing in Dave's bush at four am?

Well, they'll get it, cos they interrupted mine and Dave's snogathon.

**Looking under the bush at Jassy and Tom**

They are in a, erm, _very _compromising position that they are trying to struggle out of.

Unsuccessfully, I might add.

"Er, Jas, Tom, what exactly are you doing in Dave's bush at four am?" I said.

"Um, well, I erm…" Jas Ellen-ed.

Tom rolled his eyes and said to her, "Jas, let's tell them, because otherwise they'll come up with worse ideas than what it really was."

"Well you tell them then," Jas said.

"Well, you see, Jas and I had heard of this nature snogging ritual that requires you to be under a bush, and have a few natural supplies. Jas's parents wouldn't approve, and Robbie has turned into the teasing older brother later than most, so I rang up Dave and asked if we could do this under his bush. He said that as he was going out, that was fine with him. But he must've forgotten. Obviously, as he brought you here."

And then Tom's face changed into that of shock. "Wait – _why _did you bring her here, Dave? Are you two finally going out?"

What does he mean, finally?

And we're not even going out.

I have a Luuuurve God, remember?

And Dave has Emma.

Annoying, overly-kind, wimpy Emma who can't stand to see knicker hammocks and mouse tampons.

Honestly!

She needs a can of harden up.

And then I remembered Tom's question.

"What? Tom, no way, erlack!" I said.

Dave looked fake-hurt. "You said before I was gorgey."

What?!

"No, Dave I didn't."

He looked at me like I was stupid.

"Yes," he said slowly, "you did."

"Didn't."

"Well, you admitted I give you stupid brain and you love it when I touch you – oo-er – so basically you implied it. Plus, you let me snog you, so you must think I'm gorgey."

He looked vair pleased with himself.

Oh well, we'll see how pleased he looks when I explain WHY to all of those.

"I only said you gave me stupid brain because you wouldn't get off my nungas. And it wasn't because of you that I liked the hair stroking, I liked it cos I like having my hair stroked. Libby strokes my hair for Buddha's sake! And Mark Big Gob is not gorgey, but I still let him snog me."

Ha!

Take that Dave!

"Oh, I have proof right here that I give you stupid brain," Dave said, and snogged me.

When he'd moved away, he said, "So how was that?"

I was going to answer with a vair ironic comment, but stupid brain took over and I said "Nnngggghhh."

Dave laughed. "Ha! Told you!"

Merde.

"Well you can't disprove the other things I say."

"You let me stroke my hair cos you luuuurve me. You let Libby stroke your hair, and you love her – she's your sister."

I was going to say something, but Dave carried on. "And sure, you let Mark Big Gob snog you, but when he did number 8, you got me to beat him up for you. But you let me do number 8. So, that proves you think I'm gorgey!"

Damn!

He's got me there.

Merde, merde, merde.

It's a shame his elderly loons barged in, cos he'd barely gotten to my nungas, so it was only for a minute.

Damn.

I'd forgotten Mr. and Mrs. Vole were there, but I soon remembered when Jas said, "You two got to number 8? Tom and I haven't even gotten there yet!"

"Jas. It is really none of your business. Please go away," I said.

"Fine," she huffed, "but now I'm not going to tell you the nature snog thing that Tom and I were doing. You lose."

And she fringed off, dragging Tom with her.

I would hate to be Tom.

Well, obviously I would hate to be Tom.

If I was Tom, I'd have to snog Jas, and I would have Robbie for a brother, therefore making it gross and incestuous to snog him.

Poor Tom.

Not that I want to go back to Robbie.

My heart belongs to another.

Dave.

What?

No, I meant Masimo.

"You KittyKat loony, what are you thinking? You're just looking out into space like _le idiot_. Tell Hornmeister what's on your mind."

"I'd hate to be Tom."

"What? KittyKat, you are the biggest loon ever! Tell me, why would you hate to be Tom?"

"Well, for a start, I'd have to snog Jas."

Dave Laugh laughed.

Haha that sounds funny.

Dave Laugh laughed!

**1 second later**

I'm having a huge laughing spaz.

Dave said, "KittyKat, what's so funny?"

"You laughed!"

"KittyKat, I think you're getting a bit delirious from being so tired. Why is it so funny that I laughed?"

"Well, your last name is Laugh. So in my brain-diary, I thought 'Dave Laugh laughed' so it made me laugh like a loon."

"Well, you ARE a loon, Kitty. You knew that. Anyway, let's go inside. It's cold."

**Inside**

Dave's house looks a lot tidier than mine.

How can that be, when his parents are so bonkers, and so utterly clones of my own?

"Dave, how can your house look so normal when you and your elderly loons are so bonkers?"

"Oh, my elderly loons are never here, they're always out at strip clubs and such likes. They're vair loony. But when they're here they honestly are shameless."

"Mine are worse. Vati will tweak Mutti's nip-nips in front of guests, and Mutti goes to watch male strippers like Uncle Eddie."

"No, mine are worse."

"Why?"

"They just are. Now shut up and give us a snog."

_**A/N: I don't feel that was my best chapter. I'm just quite tired and trying to figure out how to get lots and lots of sponsors for the 40 hour famine. :P**_


	8. Dave to the Rescue

_**A/N Usual disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Having no internet sucks :( I am so glad I've got it back now :) I have no idea where I'm going to take this chapter, but I'm sure I will figure it out. I have a feeling this won't be my best, but you never know.**_

_Flashback from last chapter (Earth Kid Tree Hugger's):_

"_Mine are worse. Vati will tweak Mutti's nip-nips in front of guests, and Mutti goes to watch male strippers like Uncle Eddie."_

"_No, mine are worse."_

"_Why?"_

"_They just are. Now shut up and give us a snog."_

My Chapter –

_**1 second later**_

Cheeky cat.

Does he think I am shameful minx?

That I will just snog him when he asks?

Huh.

Now I am going to go on snogging strike against him.

Hahahaha how do you like that Mr Laugh?

_**1 minute later**_

My strike didn't work.

My vair rude lips ignored my strike and did what I told them not to do.

Snog Dave.

Merde.

Now he will think I can't resist.

Pssh.

Of course I can resist him.

Even if he is gorgey and groovy gravy.

I know what you're thinking.

But matey type mates are allowed to think that about each other.

Aren't they?

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave fell asleep mid snog!

How rude is that?

Vair rude if you didn't know.

I wonder if that has ever happened to one of the ace gang?

And no you silly minxes of the world, I don't mean have they ever snogged Dave and he has fell asleep mid snog.

I meant I wonder if they have ever been snogging and their horn partners have fallen asleep.

Although they probably haven't snogged at 5 in the morning.

_**1 minute later**_

Dave is so cute when he is sleeping.

Aaaaw.

_**1 minute later**_

Ahh I am never going to get to sleep…..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

_**11am**_

Giddy god I am so tired.

Where am I?

Have I been kidnapped or something?

_**1 minute later**_

Oh yeah.

I am at Dave's.

Why am I at Dave's?

...Oh yeah. Elderly loons doing strip karaoke.

Erlack! It's too early to even think about that sort of stuff.

Hmm this pillow my head's on is really comfy.

_**1 minute later**_

It's not a pillow.

It's Dave's chest.

Bare chest.

How did I end up with my head on his bare chest?

Again.

I wonder what the time is.

_**1 second later**_

Merde!

Its 11:00am mutti and vati will go ape shit.

Well that' if they are even awake after their Strip Karoake Orgey.

Erlack, I really do not need that image in my head.

_**1 minute later**_

Right I've got to get up.

Not that I want to.

No brain! Don't think those things.

I pushed myself over to the other side of the bed but Dave grabbed me and pulled me back down next to him.

Aaw he looks so cute when he's sleepy.

He looked at me vair dazed then said:

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere until I get a morning snog."

"Mr Laugh, it's too early for snogs"

"It's never too early for snogs Kittykat"

Then snogged me.

_**20 minutes later**_

Yummy scrumboes.

Me and Dave are still snogging.

He is even tip top on the snoggosity front in the mornings.

Marvy!

Although I really have to go home.

I need to sort myself out I look a bloody state.

Erlack!

I bet I have so many lurkers because I didn't take my makeup of last night.

_**1 minute later**_

"Dave, I really need to go home now"

"No you don't"

"Yes I do"

He looked vair Dave the un Laugh.

Aaw was he upset that I couldn't stay with him?

Then he grinned and said:

"Fine but I'l come with you. The streets can be vair dangerous in the early hours."

"Its 11:30"

"Yes"

"What is there that's dangerous in the streets at this time?"

"Ancient Elderly Loons, the pope, invisible camels… do I need to go on?"

"No."

"Get on Dark Star then Kittykat and we will ride to your house!"

That is so weird.

I was saying in my mind diary yesterday that Dave and I hadn't actually ridden together but now we are.

Does he read my mind?

_**30 minutes later**_

Why do Elderly Loons stare at two vair norma normal people riding their camels/horses?

That is vair normal.

They are the ones that are loons.

And elderly loons at that.

That's even worse.

This is the sort of world we have to live in.

Scary aint it?

_**10 minutes later**_

We finally pulled Dark Star and Cammie to a stop outside my house.

Dave looked at me.

Marvy.

Another staring fandango; just what I need.

But he surprised me by snogging me.

_**10 minutes later**_

After we finished snogging, Dave hugged me.

Strange.

We normally only ever snog.

I don't think he's hugged me for gazillions of time.

He's so…comfy and warm.

I don't know why but I feel… tingly and natural in his arms.

Strange.

He pulled away, grinned at me and said:

"Well our camels must go separate ways for now. S'laters Kittykat, and never eat anything bigger than your head." and quickly gave me a peck and rode of on Cammie.

Why does he always leave me confuzzled?

_**House of Loons**_

Oh marvy.

Mutti still hasn't cleaned up Libbs poo.

It's so erlack a pongoes in here!

I tried being sneaky sneaky going up the stairs but I ended up falling up the stairs because of Our Lord Sandra on the stair.

Our Lord Sandra, why do you hate me?

"Georgia, is that you?"

"No."

"Don't be so cheeky! Come into the living room."

Ho hum pigs bum.

Can't I have one day off from elderly loons?

_**1 minute later**_

Erlack!

Mutti and Vati are cuddled together on the sofa.

Snogging.

In their nuddy pants.

Gross.

This is the sort of thing I have to live with.

Horrific really.

Well if all they are going to do is snog then I am going.

But mutti saw me as I was going towards the door and said (not snogging vati anymore obvs) :

"Excuse me young lady get back in here I am talking to you."

"You were snogging vati"

"Don't be so rude. You are in big trouble missie."

"I know mutti, but if you covered your nungas the trouble for me would be gone as I wouldn't be in danger of getting knocked out"

"Don't talk to me like that. You are in big trouble for staying out last night without telling us. Where were you?"

"Well Mutti that is your karma for physiologically harming me with your strip karaoke."

"Stop being cheeky and answer the question."

"I was at Jas's"

"Oh really? So Dave went to Jas's with you?"

Merde.

I forgot about that.

Then vati decided it was time to shake his badger and said:

"Georgia, you are grounded for lying and staying out without our permission."

Typico.

They cheat on eachother and play strip karaoke and I get in trouble.

How did I get a family like this?

_**7:00pm**_

I am so in Bored Ville that I could die and I wouldn't know.

Vati won't let me come out of my room and I am not allowed to go on the phones.

I'm barely allowed to have a jammy dodger.

How cruel can they get?

Plus I missed a phone call from one of my pallies.

I bet they are heartbroken from not hearing my voice.

See? Vati's not only harming me but my poor pallies as well.

As a protest against it, I have barricaded my door with my chest of drawers.

Well at least I won't have any loons in the room that way.

_**Half hour later**_

Being alone in a room without t.v is vair boring.

The only thing I can do is my makeup.

Oh well at least if I die in here out of boredom I can look fabby and gorgey.

_**Half hour later**_

Make up done.

Once again in Bored Ville.

Oh someone come save me!

_**1 minute later**_

I swear Dave can read my mind.

Just as I was asking in my brain for someone to save me, he threw a rock at my window to get my attention.

I opened it and looked down at Dave.

Wow Dave the Laugh to the rescue!

He grinned and said:

"Hey Kittykat,there's a Super Duper Fabby Barmy and Ace Party Sleepover at Rosie's. Well that's what she calls it. Anyway Ro-Ro said if you don't come she will trample you with a Viking."

"But Dave, I'm grounded"

"I know I called to tell you earlier and your mutti told me. Climb out of the window and down the tree."

"Are you mad?"

"No. Come on Kittykat, do you really want to stay in your room like a lonely loon or come out and have fun with your bestie pallies."

"I'll be right down."

Thank you Baby J that I am wearing jeans and not a skirt.

And that I have makeup on.

And that I changed into a better outfit when I got home.

_**10 minutes later**_

I can't believe I actually climbed out of the window and down a tree.

Well technically I fell from the tree, but Dave used his speedy pants to catch me in time.

Thank god he did.

Otherwise I would have been in Ouch Universe.

And I hate that place.

It's vair painful.

_**10 minutes later**_

Me and Dave are holding hands.

And we aren't even horn partners.

Unfortunately.

No brain! You shouldn't think stuff like that.

Masimo is my horn partner.

Although he hasn't called me.

In at least a couple days.

How rudey dudey is that?

Dave's not my boyfriend, and I see more of him then I do Masimo who is my boyfriend.

Although I think Dave might be a Teen Stalker.

Shut up brain!

_**Outside Ro-Ro's**_

Let the fun begin!

_**A/N Not much happened, but I'm sure Earth Kid tree Hugger's next chapter will be fabby. My fingers kind of typed this on their own so blame them if you didn't like it but I hope you did.8 pages, longest for me so far. :D Leave a review please! :)**_


	9. Paper Aeroplane

_**A/N: Oh God. I have a severe writers block goin' on here right now. :P ah well, hopefully it'll go as I have a vague idea of what to write about.**_

_**Oh, and I'm not sure how good this is going to be: my brain isn't feeling laughy. Hmm. Well I hope it'll be okay.**_

Flashback from Hornmeister Lover's chapter

_Dave's not my boyfriend, and I see more of him then I do Masimo who is my boyfriend._

_Although I think Dave might be a Teen Stalker._

_Shut up brain!_

_**Outside Ro-Ro's**_

_Let the fun begin!_

My chapter:

Well it should be beginning but it's not.

It appears that no-one is in.

Me and Dave have gone all around the whole house, yet no-one seems to be in.

Strange.

**30 seconds later**

Hang on.

A paper aeroplane has landed on my head, and I think it has writing on it.

**10 seconds later**

Well, I've opened it and Dave is looking over my shoulder.

It says:

_Dear Queen of Knickers and King of Pants,_

_You have been invited to this groovy-gravy partaayyy but you are not complying with the dress-code. So therefore you are not allowed in until you are dressed in appropriate attire. So do what you have to do and GET THOSE CLOTHES. So bog off until you've got the right stuff,_

_Queen of Vikings_

Dress code?

What dress code?

Dave never said anything about a dress code.

Actually he's looking as confuzzled as I am.

But I bet that's an act.

He's entirely to blame for being locked out.

"Dave. What's this about a dress code?"

"I really don't know. I wasn't told about a dress code, so I don't know what we're supposed to be wearing."

Oh likely story.

"It is."

"Dave, I didn't say that out loud."

"Yes, you did."

What?

He really IS reading my mind cos I most certainly DIDN'T say 'likely story' out loud.

Nuh-uh.

"Uh-huh. You did."

Oh my GOD!

He IS IS IS IS reading my mind.

"Dave, why do you read my mind?"

"I don't, I just know what you're thinking."

That's the same thing!

"No, it isn't."

Oh giddy God.

I am freaking out vair much.

"No need to freak out you silly KittyKat. We just have a connection. I can tell what you're thinking by your facial expressions."

Well that makes things slightly better… but he answers my thoughts, and I don't think you can do that with a facial expression.

"Yes, you can tell by facial expression, Gee."

Oh god oh god oh goddy god god.

"Dave. Stop it! We need to find out this dress-code, not have me freak out cos you can read my mind. How do we find out?"

Dave looked at me like I was tres stupid.

Which I am not, by the way.

My intelligence, like Mr. Bean's, comes out in different ways to the norm.

"Georgia Nicolson. It is sehr obvious. We send a paper aeroplane to Ro-Ro and ask her."

Ah right.

Duh.

**50 seconds later**

Have thrown a paper aeroplane up at Ro-Ro's window asking what the dress code is.

We wrote it on the back of her note as we don't have our own paper.

**1 minute later**

Another paper aeroplane is landing!

Let's see what it says…

_King of Pants and Queen of Knickers,_

_For undercrackers royalty, you're extraordinary silly. You think that because you asked we'll tell you? You have to figure it out yourself._

_Queen of the Vikings,_

_Ro-Ro_

Huh.

Well, whose idea was it to ask them?

Correct: Dave.

Have decided to look at him until he says he's sorry.

**10 seconds later**

Yeah!

He's looking a bit nervous.

Woohoo!

The Queen of Knickers triumphs!

Serves him right for staring at me so much before.

**10 seconds later**

Oh I'm getting bored of this staring fandango.

I give up.

**15 seconds later**

"Gee! Gee? KittyKat?"

What?

Oh, I think I may have gone into a little bit of a trance… my bad.

"What?"

"Why don't we ask for a clue?" Dave said.

"A clue?"

"Yes, a clue. You know, a hint."

Oh yeah…

"But Ro-Ro won't give us one."

"She might."

"She won't."

"She might."

"No, she won't."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Well that's good enough for me."

And Dave started writing a note on the back of Ro-Ro's.

Yay!

I'm right.

I won.

He's telling her that we give up.

But why is that good?

I want to party!

But I'm still right.

**1 minute later**

Another note has flown out of the window.

**5 seconds later**

It says:

_Queen of Knickers and King of Pants,_

_You (well, Dave, anyway) finally came to your senses and decided to ask for a clue. So here's one: __**They attended an event in 1969 that begins with a W. **__and because I'm nice, here's another: __**Bob Dylan**__. So see if you can figure it out. If you can, Sven and I will lend you costumes. If you can't… let's just say you're incredibly dim and therefore are banned from the party. I give you five minutes before we attack._

_Queen of Vikings_

What?

I know absolutely nothing about the '60s.

I don't actually know anything about any past era.

Except maybe the '90s, because that's when I was born… Furbies!

Pokemon cards! (but they were mainly for the boys)

Gameboys, Spice Girls, the birth of moi!

Ah I lobe the '90s.

"Gee! Get out of your trance. We have another two minutes before we're attacked and have to leave. And I did NOT break you out of prison just to get attacked and have to sneak you back in for no reason. Now that we know my elderly loons are in cahoots with yours, well… let's just say if we get caught smuggling you back in I'll get it. So THINK, Kitty, THINK!!!!"

"How?"

"Your brain rambles on non-stop, so you're always thinking. What was in the '60s?"

"Elvis."

"That was the '50s!!"

"It was?"

I didn't actually know that…

"YES!"

"So what happened in the '60s, Mr. Know-it-all?"

"Um, the Beatles?"

"Eurghh! I can't stand the Beatles."

"Yeah, me neither. Uhm, the hippy era?"

"What's that got to do with Bob Dylan – whoever he is – and something that was in 1969 beginning with a W?"

Dave's face lost the confused look.

"Everything!" he said. "Bob Dylan was an artist loved by hippies, and Woodstock rock festival was in '69 and heaps of hippies went! There's a movie out on it! The theme is hippy!"

How come he's so smart?

And I'm… well, not?

"Ah, KittyKat – you ARE smart. Just in the same way as Mr. Bean is."

Dave looked up at the window the aeroplanes had flown out of and yelled out "Queen of Vikings. We, the King of Pants and the Queen of Knickers call upon you to come to the window. We've figured out what the theme is."

Rosie's head appeared in the window.

I noticed that she wasn't showing what she was wearing.

Huh.

She doesn't trust us – she thinks we're gonna cheat.

I'll let her know I'm onto her.

"Viking Queen, you don't have to hide your clothes – we know what the theme is; nice to see that you trust us," I yelled up to her.

"No way! Both of you are vair silly so you mightn't actually know and want to cheat. Say what you think it is."

Dave yelled up "Hippy!"

Ro-Ro jumped up and said, "So you're not as dim as I thought you were! Okay, your reward is being allowed in!"

Just then the front door opened to reveal Jas and Tom looking as though they've tried to dress up as hippies but not very successfully. They're just a bit conservative to be able to let go and let their inner flower-power out.

They're wearing their ramblers' outfits but with tie-dye hair bands.

Vair hippy… not.

Sven and Ro-Ro are charging down the stairs.

Ro-Ro is wearing a tie-dye top with bison horns on it and she's drawn a peace symbol on her real Viking horns and she's wearing tie-dyed flairs to match the ones that Sven's wearing.

As well as his flairs, Sven's wearing a girl's tee-shirt that says 'I Heart Trees' and it's too small for him so it shows his midriff. Lovely…

Everyone is rather hippyfied except for me and Dave. (A/N: the links for some of these clothes is on our profile)

Rosie thrust some material into my hands.

Oh fabby – now we're not the odd ones out!

I have a purple dress, and Dave has an identical copy of Sven's outfit.

And it's the same size as Sven's so it'll be HUGE on Dave.

Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sucked in Dave!

"Shut up Georgia!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did."

Rosie chose to butt in at that moment. "No. She didn't."

"I heard her say 'sucked in'."

"Well she didn't," Mabs said.

"Dave…" I said. "You're reading my mind."

"I'm not."

You are.

"I'm not."

"See! I only thought the 'you are'."

Dave looks a bit freaked out.

To be honest… I feel sehr freaked out, so that makes two of us.

**10 minutes later**

Well I'm dressed.

And if I do say so myself, I think I look vair sex-kittyish in a hippy way.

But that is just my opinion.

I'll go find Dave, and see how funny he looks in Sven's clothes.

**5 minutes later**

Well I've finally found him… and let's just say he isn't too pleased.

I am though – he looks hilarious.

"You coming out to the party, Dave?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it'll fall off me."

"And you care because… you're Dave the Laugh! You should love this. Even if you have to wear a girls top – which should fit you fine – and Sven's overly large flares. Besides, I don't care if they fall off – it'd be funny."

Dave grinned. "No, you silly KittyKat, you just luuuuurve checking me out. You know you do. I just don't feel like wearing flares."

Oh – Dave the Laugh is scared of people laughing at him!

That's what this is about.

Sven doesn't care.

"Yes, but he's a mad Norwegian."

Dave just read my mind again… but that's not the point.

"And you're a Laugh. By name AND personality. So embrace it."

"I AM embracing the girly top – it's funny. I just don't want the flares to fall off."

"Tell you what – we'll do a swap. You can wear my dress and I can wear your – I mean Sven's – outfit. I'm not worried about the flares falling down, cos I know they won't. I'm the Queen of Knickers. They have to respect that."

"KittyKat, you are a GENIUS."

"I know."

**1 minute later**

Erm…

We've just been having an awkward staring fiasco.

And I don't know what to say…

"Well give us the dress, KittyKat."

"But you're here."

"I know… vair convenient for giving me the dress."

"But I don't want to get changed in front of you… it'd be weird."

Vair vair weird.

"No it wouldn't. Since we're matey-type mates and accidental snoggees, there wouldn't be ANYTHING pants based about it at all."

Around Dave, everything's pants based.

But alright…

"Dave, you take Sven's clothes off first cos it's still weird and if I went first I'd be undressed longer."

"Ah stop making excuses. You want to look at me for as long as possible. If you do – which I know you do – then just ask. It doesn't mean I'll comply, but at least you'll be being honest. And honesty is vair important."

"Oh shut up and take off Sven's clothes."

"Oo-er."

Argh he is SO childish.

"And you're not?"

Oh stop reading my mind. It's vair annoying.

"No."

So he _can _read my mind. He's just confirmed it.

**5 minutes later**

Well that was a vair embarrassing fiasco.

I couldn't stop staring at Dave's vair vair vair VAIR groovy body and he noticed and is STILL teasing me.

But from what I could tell, he was looking at moi too, so I made sure I was fast.

**Back with the others**

When we walked in the Ace Gang and Barmy Army started laughing their pants off.

I don't see why exactly, cos Sven looks vair ridiculous, and they didn't laugh at him.

But he is vair violent, so maybe we're safer to laugh at.

Rosie said, "I _knew _you'd end up swapping outfits. Hahahahahahha."

I ignored her and said, "Let's PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**2 hours later**

Well, at first we did the stuff we normally do at Ro-Ro's parties: dancing (except this time it was to awful '60s music.), truth dare kiss or promise, eating.

But now we've somehow ended up watching movies.

I don't actually know how it happened, but we're about to start watching Mary Poppins.

I asked Ro-Ro what it had to do with the hippy era, and she said the hippy era started in the '60s and Mary Poppins was released in the '60s.

Marvy!

_**A/N: AHHH! I think that that chapter was absolute WUBBISH, but I promise you guys that the next will be better. And the links to the clothes will be on our profile. **_

_**So yeah, I'm sorry for the wubbishness of this, but please review with criticism or whatever. Okay, I'll go now, but before I go, I just have to say PEACE LOVE MUSIC, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


	10. Hippy War

_**A/N Okay I am really lost on how to start this. Earth Kid Tree Hugger did such a funny and fabby chapter. Also I don't know much about Mary Poppins as I haven't seen it in ages. Oh well I'm sure something will come to me. I have a lot of coursework to do though so I probs will take ages writing this and it's probs going to be short I'm afraid. :(**_

_**P.S. I sincerely aplogise for the long wait on this chapter it was written a long time ago but I forgot to post it then when on our joint account I remembered so hear it is and merry Christmas! :)**_

_Flashback from Earth Kid Tree Hugger's chapter:_

_**Back with the others**_

_When we walked in the Ace Gang and Barmy Army started laughing their pants off._

_I don't see why exactly, cos Sven looks vair ridiculous, and they didn't laugh at him._

_But he is vair violent, so maybe we're safer to laugh at._

_Rosie said, "I __knew __you'd end up swapping outfits. Hahahahahahha."_

_I ignored her and said, "Let's PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_**2 hours later**_

_Well, at first we did the stuff we normally do at Ro-Ro's parties: dancing (except this time it was to awful '60s music.), truth dare kiss or promise, eating._

_But now we've somehow ended up watching movies._

_I don't actually know how it happened, but we're about to start watching Mary Poppins._

_I asked Ro-Ro what it had to do with the hippy era, and she said the hippy era started in the '60s and Mary Poppins was released in the '60s._

_Marvy!_

**My chapter:**

_**20 minutes later**_

I never realised how vair boring Mary Poppins was. (A/N I actually love it so please no-one take offence)

Although it's set In the hippy era, it's not vair…hippy.

It's all posh and ancient. Not far out and groovy like this tres magnifique party.

I looked at Dave.

He looked like he was paying attention.

Until I took off his sunglasses and saw that he had his eyes closed.

Cheeky cat.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

Vair comical.

I raised both my eyebrows at him, raising them higher then he did.

Hahaha! Take that Mr Laugh Man.

He of course being the silly person he is stuck his tongue out at me.

_**20 minutes later**_

Me and Dave stopped our eyebrow and tongue business (oo-er) ten minutes ago so I'm in bored central again.

And no you dirty minxes I don't mean we were doing eyebrow snogging.

You have some strange little brains.

This film really has nothing to do with hippys.

Hippys are le cool, and dress groovy gravy but Mary Poppins just sings about birds and medicine.

Who would want to sing about that?

Other than Julie Andrews obviously.

I swear that woman is obsessed with strangeosity.

I mean first she's yodelling in Sound of Music now she's talking to birds.

That woman is a loon.

_**10 minutes later**_

I decided to be vair brave and confront the Hippy/Viking Queen.

"O' Viking/Hippy One, I have something to say." Ro-Ro looked up and said:

"Oui, moi petite flower power pallie?"

"In all interest of hippies throughout the world, I declare this film is rubbisho as it is not as groovy as hippies. Can we put something else on O'Viking/Hippy Queen?"

"Non, moi petite fule. This film is set in the 60's so it's vair hippy."

I suddenly had a flash of the whatsit and said:

"Well how about we add our own vair groovy psychedelic dance moves to it?"

_**10 minutes later**_

I am le genius.

Everybody lurrveeeed my idea.

Sometimes my cleverosity amazes me.

Now we are all doing vair fabbydabbydo-da dance moves.

If I do say so myself I make excellent grooving hippy.

Whereas Jassy Spazzy is more of a…. vole like hippy.

But each to their own as I say.

Dave is doing a mix between elvis and hippy moves.

It's actually vair guht.

Suprisingly.

He kept dancing vair close to me.

So he being Dave the Laugh his hand occasionally drifted towards my nungas.

Of course I gave him a yellow card for it, I'm no tart no matter what Jas says.

I don't think it affected him.

Well it didn't because he snogged me.

In front of everyone.

Thankfully people were too involved snogging there horn partners and trying to dance at the same time.

Thank you Baby J.

_**30 minutes later**_

Ro Ro just had a vair fabby idea.

As we are Vikings as well as hippies, RoRo decided we should add in some Vikingosity to the night.

So in a very un hippie like manor, we are going to war.

But we made it a bit more hippy by the price to whoever wins being the team is allowed to pick the music, which is what hippies like.

How cleverosity filled are we?

Vair, if you didn't know.

The teams are being done in troth partner system so on my team there's: Me, Dave, Ro-Ro, Sven, Jools and Rollo.

On the other team theres: Dec, Ellen, Mabs, Ed, Jas and Tom.

Muhahaha! Let the merriment begin!

_**1 hour later**_

I can't believe Dec cracked an egg on my hair.

AN EGG.

Well appaz it's vair guht for your hair, but it smells horrible.

But I got him back by emptying the cans of dog tin on him.

I wonder why Rosie has them when she don't even have a dog.

On second thought I don't want to know.

Dave has been covered in flour, and had water chucked over him so now the flours stuck on him.

That's happened to moi before and its vair horrible, it gets all itchy.

But then he did this really marvy thing.

He put egg in Jas's fringe then made it stick up then added water and sugar.

It was vair hilarious.

Even if she is my supposed best pallie.

Ro-Ro and Sven were attacking everyone with water balloons, pillows and sven himself.

It was vair painful to be squashed by Sven.

_**10 minutes later**_

Somehow I ended up at the front door with Dave the Laugh, which was open for some unknown reason.

We were both laughing like vair loons, the sort that makes my nose go adoc.

Then he stared at me and said:

"You're so beautiful Kittykat." Then snogged me.

_**10 minutes later**_

A cough interrupted us.

We looked at the person who interrupted us.

It was Masimo.

He was just about to say something when a water balloon hit him.

Merde.

_**A/N: Well it was defo short. I don't think this chapter is very good, defo not my best. Let me know what you think, drop us a review I don't mind criticism. **_


End file.
